STUDY SHOWS REPUBLICANS ARE KETCHUP FREAKS
"Red, thats right, the color of our nation." A Republican said standing outside a McDonald's. "I love Ketchup because it reminds me of the blood we have shed for this nation, it's in our flag, and it was my favorite color growing up."
Studies show that Republicans eat more Ketchup than Democrats. "This is truly something to be proud of in a nation that is supposedly going green." Another Republican quoted.
There has been much debate in the White House whether Ketchup is healthy for the human body. Many Democrats have been saying that Ketchup causes heart disease because of the high sodium content. However, Republicans claim that has nothing to do with it, Democrats are just trying to take away their right to eat the stuff.
George W. Bush commented on the subject, "I believe Americans have the right to eat as much Ketchup as they'd like. I grew up with the stuff. We had the option of the ranch to eat fresh tomatoes or Ketchup. Of course I chose Ketchup. What American wouldn't? That is what truly makes up an American... well that and hamburgers. Anyway, I think because it is my favorite staple with every meal, all of the troops should have their very own bottle while overseas. In fact, I think we need to make sure the Afganis don't get their hands on this top commodity. It is too precious for them to start taking it from us... they have taken too much already. I refuse to let them have my Ketchup!"
Many Ketchup supporters are claiming the stuff heals them of cancer. "I was diagnosed with skin cancer and I was so upset that I bought a bag of french fries and a big bottle of Ketchup to drown my sorrows. I actually ate the whole bottle and even spread the Ketchup all over my body, thinking that it might be my very last one. The next day I went to the doctor and the cancer was gone!"
"See, this is just a prime example of what Ketchup can do for this country." A Republican doctor quoted.
Back in 2004 when John Kerry was the Democratic nominee for the Presidency, some very strong words were said about his wife Teresa. Teresa Heinz Kerry is an exception to the notion that it is only Republicans that are Ketchup freaks. She owns the entire Heinz Ketchup corporation. What was she thinking marrying a Democrat? Many Republicans have asked her this same question. Teresa claims that you don't have to be a Republican to like Ketchup. "I believe I am making a statement by being with John. One CAN be a Democrat and still love Ketchup. Maybe one day Ketchup will bring this country together again and there will no longer be Democrats or Republicans.
We shall see how far Ketchup takes us into the future. Too bad Obama is allergic to tomatoes.
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