Do you know the Muffin Man?

A fellow barista and friend of mine at Starbucks, encountered the Muffin Man yesterday. When I say Muffin Man, I don't mean a nice jolly old man who sells muffins or a large muffin walking the streets just giving them away. This Muffin Man is unnerving and lives in New York City. I cannot legitimize the actions of my fellow barista, I can only tell the story...

Let me set the scene: The day was moving fairly slow inside the cafe and not many customers were wanting caffeine at 5 Pm. Outside the cafe, however, it was bustling with cars and people were  walking home from work on busy Broadway. 

One barista says to another, "I guess these muffins should go into the pastry case?"

Another barista glances at the box of fresh oat bran muffins and replies, "I have a better idea."

Barista one is curious. 

Barista two says, "I dare you to throw a muffin outside."

Barista one is still curious. He does not question, does not glance around, only opens the box of muffins to retrieve one, and walks towards the door. 

Barista two smiles mischieviously and watches barista one walk out to the street.

With hat and apron still displaying 'Starbucks', he chucks the bran muffin into the air. 

*Now, if this were a movie it would be flying through the air in slow motion

Finally, the muffin surrenders to gravity and falls towards the crowd of people below. The muffin chooses its destination onto.... a toe. The muffin exploded below on the Muffin Man's right toe. This Muffin Man stood about 5'11, with receding hair the color of, well oat bran! Silver wire frames held the glasses on his crooked nose, and his raspy voice could be compared to the male version of Joan Rivers. 

In his Joan Rivers voice, he howled, "I WAS JUST HIT WITH A MUFFIN!"

Meanwhile, my friend barista ran like a 12 year old child to the back of the store to hide from the screaming Muffin Man.

No one knew what to think. This man was obviously distressed about a bran muffin coming in contact with his precious toe. (This is also a great time to mention that his toe was covered by a shoe of some sort.)

Anyway, Muffin Man was not happy. Suddenly, in the midst of his screaming fit, he eyed the box of bran muffins and noticed the vacant spot where the fourth muffin once lived. 

"I KNOW IT WAS A BRAN MUFFIN!" He shouted. The store manager came over to the man and tried to console him, by offering free drinks, coupons, coffee mugs, bags of coffee, baristas, etc...

The next day, the store was busy and there were lines of people out the door. Then, the Muffin Man walked through the cafe doors and demanded to see the manager again. I only heard bits of valuable information and went in search of my barista friend. He was steaming milk at the espresso bar. I warned him that the Muffin Man was inside the cafe and to not look over at him. He ducked behind the bar, his eyes wide with fear. 

My manager asked the Muffin Man if he could further get him anything and again apologized for the "inconvenience".

The Muffin Man rubbed his bald head and looked around the cafe in search of barista. His raspy voice dripped from his mouth as he said, "Well, I would love to string that guy up and beat him with muffins!" 

The store manager bit his tongue, to contain laughter and just stared at the Muffin Man.

"Obviously I have no muffins to do this, so I would just like a coupon." Then he left the store with a free coffee in hand. 

The moral of this story: Next time you decide to throw a muffin, take off your hat and apron and throw it away from the Muffin Man.