Apples for $10 a day

I don't think any amount of coffee can wake me up today. 

The time, 9:55 am on a Thursday. I am sitting at my desk at the pilates studio listening to the sounds of breathing and grunting that many of the older clients tend to exude without hesitation.  I nod my head to the melodic rhythm of the 100 exercise, "Inhale 2, 3, 4,5  and exhale 2, 3, 4, 5."  This week the studio is slow due to everyone out for spring break. I dont mind getting paid to sit here and write for $10 and hour. Gee, $10 an hour. I get paid this and I live in New York City. At the coffee shop I get paid less. As I sit and write these amounts out, thoughts run through my sleepy mind. It is ironic that the majority of people who go to college try and come out of the thing with more intelligence, a career in site, and debt free. Unfortunately, this does not happen. I am a college graduate beginning from square one, working minimum wage, and in debt beyond comprehension. I struggle to eat a simple sandwich during my day and scramble my money together to take the train to and from work. I am not saying all of this for sympathy or for a pitty party. Just saying.....

All of my friends have goals and things they want to do because they have been dreaming about them all of their lives. I have wanted to dance professionally for years. My passion truly is dancing and making art with dance. So I moved to New York City, the land of dreams and art, right? Now I am dancing less than I was before. I spend $18 on a dance class and then feel guilty going home to make dinner with the remaining $10 from my weekly budget. This week, I have actually said "Fuck this, I am going to just go to class." Once this occurred, I took my classes, had my routine coffee on the way, and went home to eat dinner. All week this was my schedule. Then, I receive an email from my bank. LOW BALANCE THRESHOLD. ahhhhhhh those words are terrorizing to me. I take a breath and tell myself that tomorrow is another day, just don't go to class this week, only work. Then, the phone rings. No, its the 800 number from the collection agency calling about my credit card. I am behind on my payments this month. I can't catch up. I feel so far behind. If I try to catch up, I will be behind on the rent. The credit card debt is from my travels to London for a week. If it were not for the credit card, I would not have been able to go, and let me tell you it was the best experience of my life! I would have stayed over there if it were possible financially. Once again, I must put off my dreams to work for $10 and hour. 

Breathe. "Inhale 2, 3, 4, 5 and Exhale 2, 3, 4, 5". With each breath I just question everything. I am walking in the midst of a city where no one knows your name. Do I want to be a nobody in a world full of somebodies? Certainly I feel this way. 

 I step back and take a look...

I worked at the coffee shop yesterday for the first time in 3 weeks. I had taken off for the pilates studio and have missed the regular faces in the morning. One in particular, Mr. Monroe. He came in yesterday and saw me standing behind the counter waiting to say hello. "Oh, my! Well hello there darlin'!" He exclaimed as he opened up his bag. "Where on earth have you been? I have missed you're face."

I told him that I am now at the studio full time and training to be a Pilates instructor. He pulled out a shinny red apple and sat it onto the counter in front of me. "Wash it off now, ok?" I smiled at him and hugged the apple close to my chest as if it were my lover. "Yes Monroe, I will." Monroe lingered for a while at the counter with his half smile printed on his face and gathered his belongings from the floor. I proceeded to ask him questions to find out a bit more about this older,lonely gentleman. I asked him the usual "Where do you live, what do you do all day, where are you from?" He only answered one out of the 5 I ended up asking him. He lives around 55th and 10th Ave. Monroe would not answer my questions about why he visits the bank everyday, where his wife is (because I know he has one), where is he from, what did he do when he was younger? He did ask me a few though. I told him I was leaving for Chicago to see my man and he asked, "Well is he good to you? Treat you well and with respect? You need that." I smiled and nodded that he does treat me well. Once he was satisfied with that answer he waved goodbye and left the coffee shop. 

Maybe this was a complaining session, but I'm blogging right? Anyway, I have finished my cup of coffee and have pondered the facts of a college graduate on $10 an hour. Now I am going to have an apple.