Do you know the Muffin Man?

A fellow barista and friend of mine at Starbucks, encountered the Muffin Man yesterday. When I say Muffin Man, I don't mean a nice jolly old man who sells muffins or a large muffin walking the streets just giving them away. This Muffin Man is unnerving and lives in New York City. I cannot legitimize the actions of my fellow barista, I can only tell the story...

Let me set the scene: The day was moving fairly slow inside the cafe and not many customers were wanting caffeine at 5 Pm. Outside the cafe, however, it was bustling with cars and people were  walking home from work on busy Broadway. 

One barista says to another, "I guess these muffins should go into the pastry case?"

Another barista glances at the box of fresh oat bran muffins and replies, "I have a better idea."

Barista one is curious. 

Barista two says, "I dare you to throw a muffin outside."

Barista one is still curious. He does not question, does not glance around, only opens the box of muffins to retrieve one, and walks towards the door. 

Barista two smiles mischieviously and watches barista one walk out to the street.

With hat and apron still displaying 'Starbucks', he chucks the bran muffin into the air. 

*Now, if this were a movie it would be flying through the air in slow motion

Finally, the muffin surrenders to gravity and falls towards the crowd of people below. The muffin chooses its destination onto.... a toe. The muffin exploded below on the Muffin Man's right toe. This Muffin Man stood about 5'11, with receding hair the color of, well oat bran! Silver wire frames held the glasses on his crooked nose, and his raspy voice could be compared to the male version of Joan Rivers. 

In his Joan Rivers voice, he howled, "I WAS JUST HIT WITH A MUFFIN!"

Meanwhile, my friend barista ran like a 12 year old child to the back of the store to hide from the screaming Muffin Man.

No one knew what to think. This man was obviously distressed about a bran muffin coming in contact with his precious toe. (This is also a great time to mention that his toe was covered by a shoe of some sort.)

Anyway, Muffin Man was not happy. Suddenly, in the midst of his screaming fit, he eyed the box of bran muffins and noticed the vacant spot where the fourth muffin once lived. 

"I KNOW IT WAS A BRAN MUFFIN!" He shouted. The store manager came over to the man and tried to console him, by offering free drinks, coupons, coffee mugs, bags of coffee, baristas, etc...

The next day, the store was busy and there were lines of people out the door. Then, the Muffin Man walked through the cafe doors and demanded to see the manager again. I only heard bits of valuable information and went in search of my barista friend. He was steaming milk at the espresso bar. I warned him that the Muffin Man was inside the cafe and to not look over at him. He ducked behind the bar, his eyes wide with fear. 

My manager asked the Muffin Man if he could further get him anything and again apologized for the "inconvenience".

The Muffin Man rubbed his bald head and looked around the cafe in search of barista. His raspy voice dripped from his mouth as he said, "Well, I would love to string that guy up and beat him with muffins!" 

The store manager bit his tongue, to contain laughter and just stared at the Muffin Man.

"Obviously I have no muffins to do this, so I would just like a coupon." Then he left the store with a free coffee in hand. 

The moral of this story: Next time you decide to throw a muffin, take off your hat and apron and throw it away from the Muffin Man.

Can one really be this invisible?

Today I have been so irritated at everything. I have been feeling that everyone is taking over what little space I feel that I actually have. My bubble, it is very precious to me. Especially living in a large city where you only get about 12 feet of it anyway and that is called "home".

However, I don't want to complain anymore today. I have done enough of that already. I gotta say though, that it makes me feel better if I can just throw up all my thoughts about how much I dislike people. I would go as far as saying that I hate them. Yeh, but I won't because that is just down right negative. Today I have felt invisible in this world. Besides my mother calling me everyone else has been busy. Its not about craving attention so much as it is me wondering if people have seen me at all today!

Like I mentioned earlier, I only have so much space in this world. When someone does not acknowledge my presence it is quite obvious. Let me explain...

I am babysitting this morning and the baby spits up all over my entire left thigh. "Ok," I think "No big deal. I wore the crappy pants today."

So I begin desperately to wipe off all spit from the baby. Then the mom waltzed into the room. "Oh what happened, Hannah?" She says to the baby's 3 year old sister, without even looking at me. Quickly she reaches for a paper towel and dabbs up the spit from the couch. She then realizes it is on her daughter and baby. Meanwhile, I am scrambling to clean it off of his shirt and my pant leg. Never mind that my ENTIRE leg is drenched. She walks off, turns around, and then says, "Oh, yeah would you like a cloth to clean yourself?"

Later in the day I am crossing the street downtown and the little white man lights up across the street. Pedestrian right away! So I walk across, and a truck suddenly stops 2 inches away from my frozen body. I was stunned and all I could think to do was stare at the idiot behind the wheel. He then began honking and I briskly made it to the sidewalk. I thought about it later and decided I should have shot him a bird, but it was too late. 

After that wonderful incident, I decided to treat myself to a nice lunch since I just got paid. So I went over to the Barking Dog on 3rd and 94th st. I sat at a nice table outside on the porch next to the sidewalk. I took a deep breath in to relax. I ordered a grilled cheese, butternut squash soup and a beer. During my delicious meal two men came out with brooms, paper towels, and window cleaner. They begin shuffling tables around and one stood on top of a chair. He sprayed the window and began to clean. As he sprayed, the cleaner it blows directly at me and onto my amazing butternut squash soup! They inch closer and asked me,  

"can we use the seat at your table to wipe the windows?" I stare in utter amazement as my food becomes covered in windex. Luckily, the manager came out and put a stop to the madness and apologized. I sat and just stared. I did not say anything to those men because I was just so excited at how this day was turning out. I got the check, reluctantly paid, and left.

So I arrive at my final destination of the day and I decide to have a smoke before work. I sit on a little bench beside the 92nd Street Y. Two young men are watering the flowers outside of the building and drag the hoes pipe behind them. Water pours out the pipe and one guy is holding it as he walks over to the flowers about 12 feet away from where I am sitting. As he is holding the hose, he lets the water flow graciously onto the sidewalk. Somehow he does not see me sitting directly in his path. Water begins to pour all over my feet and already damp pants. "Hey watch it!" I yell. He simply looks at me and begins to water the flowers. Later, he comes back around and begins to adjust his belt by taking off his pants as if I am not sitting there. This day is just the best. 

Soaking wet, I walked over to the Pilates Studio. I arrive inside and immediately my boss is asking me to clean things. She never asks me to clean, (during the week anyway). Ok, so I scrub away at the walls, the machines, and the damn bathroom. Can this day get any worse? My poor pants have had it and all I want to do is shower!

So here I am typing away. Nothing has happened since but I still have the train ride home...

Maybe someone will sit on me. Can't wait. 

Just got to thinking

Upper East Side. Love ya but....

I can't wait for the day when I am not surrounded by the rich women who have no concept of reality. Reality being that money does not grow on trees on a REAL planet, that it does not flow from the water faucet, and that sometimes it comes in spurts. However, that is just my reality and many others in the world. For some it is not having any money at all. For these women on the UES it is a constant flow of a "hand me down" or money from their "important" jobs. I have become such a bitter person, please excuse my language in this post. I am not envious, but it is difficult to not look at these people and wonder what they would be like if they were in a position of a low income. Some of these women get manicures, shop, and go to the Hamptons all the time. That is their reality. 

I went out with a client here at the studio that has become one of my friends. She is one of the most interesting people that I know and is one of the craziest. I guess that's why I like her. Anyway, she has loads of money just pouring out of her ears and decided to take me out to dinner last night. We go out, discuss the men in her life over two glasses of Chianti and calamari. In her language she uses words most Upper East Siders have incorporated into their vocabulary: ...house in the Hamptons, shopping, tan, dress, hair, manicure, dinners, rich men, sex, shoes, meeting, Pilates, investment....

Ok, I'm about to vomit, I must stop myself. 

As I was sipping on my delicious Chianti I sat thinking that all I have in my bank account is a negative balance and a heart attack.

I love this friend, however I can only take her in spurts. She definitely worked hard for her money and that is beautiful. In spite of it all, she also gave me some sound advice that I will never forget. She said that because she has worked so hard and has never asked anything from her parents, she made a decision at 14 years old, when she moved out, to never settle. She doesn't want to just settle for a mundane job, guy, or any decision not benefitting to her. I took that advice and compared it to my life and noticed that I have done that in some ways. I also do not want to settle for just ANYTHING in my life. I want to be a successful woman in every area in my life: career, marriage, etc...

That was some sound advice from a woman who at 35 is living on the Upper East Side in NYC and still has not had a successful relationship, but has more money than she knows what to do with. 

I will miss New York.

Gelato or a Gallon of Gas?

Once again I am at work, doing my boring desk job. At least I get to write! 

Anyway, I went out on my break and passed a Ciao Bella gelato store. Oh I ran over there and ordered a small cone with vanilla! mmmm it was the most amazing scoop of gelato for $4.75! Yeah, thats how much it cost me. I could have gotten a healthy salad and a small coffee at the deli downstairs. After I freaked out (inside my head) while signing the receipt, I walked over to grab a few napkins for my dripping delight and there was a sign. It read something like: "Because of increasing gas prices, we have had to increase our prices on our gelato and frozen yogurts. The cost of fruit has also gone up with the rise of gas. We will do everything to keep the cost down as much as possible."

It is a good thing I do not drive a vehicle. I mean I would use one gallon of gas and that would have to be it for the week. Here in New York I believe it is $4.75 a gallon, as much as my gelato cone! What? Incredible. I am sure that in my lifetime, gas prices will get so high that filling up your tank will be equivalent to buying a house. 

I'm not sure if you can actually compare gelato to gas but in my world it is possible. It seems like this country is in big trouble. I haven't watched or read any news recently, but it doesn't take an educated economics major to see that the future looks bleak for the gelato companies.